I think I have a different experience than most people because the moment anyone finds out I'm a therapist here come the trauma dumps. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to help and give people validation and resources... BUT after a day of intense work sessions, I would prefer to talk about the weather. 😬🤷
Aside from everything being so true in this post, could we please talk more about the antibiotics resistance? It really deserves more attention. I love it that you were talking about it so casually in an event like that
This feels like… when you join a group at the gym, and expect everyone there to invite you in with open arms and be friends and go to after workout brunch right away.
Skipping the part about getting to know someone to go deep.
It bothers me when someone casually asks how I’m doing, expecting the answer gambit of : good, fine, great … how about you? Then we part, small talk accomplished and don’t care a whit about the other person.
For fun, sometimes, when someone asks that question… I actually answer them with something genuine.
I'm a real 'alright.' as a greeting person I admit (statement not question though). if I ask how someone is doing, I really want to know! I can't remember the context, but I do remember someone asking me how I was in a flippant way that they definitely expected a 'good!' in response, but I replied 'raging, thanks. you?' cannot for the life of me remember what I was raging about though
I'm generally the kind of guy who does enjoy deeper conversations, but I would only go there if I was confidant the person I was talking to would want to get into something of depth that they cared about and helped me get to know them better after we had developed some rapport. I do recall one house party though where I encountered the character you're describing. He decided that he wanted to discuss philosophy and at one point asked me to explain why I was not a Nietzschean. I just told him, "This is a birthday party," and walked off.
On the other hand, I also once had a girl, when I was in college, literally come over to me at a bar, sit me down and go "You seem like a cool dude. I'm going to tell you my life story" and proceed to do so. I just sat and listened and it felt like a very special moment.
I love 'this is a birthday party' lmao. I am so fine with talking about philosophy or anything else, but, like, just talk about philosophy - don't tell me you want to talk about something deep in a way that suggests it's on me to come up with the topic, you know? (when I say 'you' I obviously don't mean 'you' I mean the hypothetical person...)
Livvie, I've been eating up your posts like popcorn!! As someone in a similar position to dating as you, it's a thrill to live vicariously through your wonderfully written posts. Maybe I will get a little braver because of you!! Thank you for another funny and thoughtful piece!!
love this! I recently experienced small talk that posed as deep conversation :-D like the other day I had a date and he talked about the gym the whole time but he was so darn detailed and "deep" about it, what with all the nutrition, his muscles and stuff ...it was exhausting^^ (no offence to working out but... come on^^)... guess the struggle is real^^
I once again admire your patience, because the answer to the alien question would most definitely receive a “I sincerely hope so” followed by a sigh from me. Your post just solidified my opinion that there are, in fact, two types of deep conversationalist: 1. people who know how to have a conversation and how to head it to a deeper topic, or 2. people who see deep conversations as that mandatory foreplay before they pull out something I don’t want to see or hear (i.e. genitalia or bigotry). Stay safe, because there are more of the latter than we think. ♥️
Related to this are two other things that drive me mad, conversationally. When there are more than 2 people engaged in a good conversation (maybe deep, maybe not) and a 3rd person interjects to say 'can we please talk about something else' but then offers nothing. Second, ruining a great conversation or get-together by feeling the need to say 'isnt this a great conversation?' or 'its so good to talk about this, we should do it more often!' That kills the moment, just let me understood that a great conversation is being had by all.
Actually, a third point: the weather is a massively underrated potentially fascinating topic, and I'd even argue it can get deep. One minute you're discussing how much you hate summer because of the damn humidity, the next you're waxing poetic about the trip you took to the Amazon with an ex boyfriend many years ago that led to some hot and steamy
1 - yes! totally! like sorry the conversation that didn't involve you isn't to your liking??
2 - comments like that make me suddenly feel like I'm performing, like my conversation now has to remain at the same level, I can't start just chatting shit 😅
3 - I'm from a place with very frustrating weather and it's literally unavoidable as a topic of conversation so people who 'don't want to talk about the weather' - big eye roll personally. also, again it's then on them to come up with and introduce a non-weather topic. but I also completely agree that weather can lead anywhere, generally future plans to get away to somewhere that actually sees the sun in my experience...
A ha, so Glenrothes then, that's kind of in between. Anyway, no need to tell me exactly, I get the idea. I spent much of the first 30 years of my life in Northern Ireland and a fair bit of time in Scotland.
thank you!!! although might be an idea in future to direct anyone who wants 'deep conversation' to my substack and just be like, here you go, this is my literal diary and the contents of my brain :)
I think I have a different experience than most people because the moment anyone finds out I'm a therapist here come the trauma dumps. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to help and give people validation and resources... BUT after a day of intense work sessions, I would prefer to talk about the weather. 😬🤷
oh my god I can only imagine
Aside from everything being so true in this post, could we please talk more about the antibiotics resistance? It really deserves more attention. I love it that you were talking about it so casually in an event like that
oh I wish we would!!!
This feels like… when you join a group at the gym, and expect everyone there to invite you in with open arms and be friends and go to after workout brunch right away.
Skipping the part about getting to know someone to go deep.
It bothers me when someone casually asks how I’m doing, expecting the answer gambit of : good, fine, great … how about you? Then we part, small talk accomplished and don’t care a whit about the other person.
For fun, sometimes, when someone asks that question… I actually answer them with something genuine.
I'm a real 'alright.' as a greeting person I admit (statement not question though). if I ask how someone is doing, I really want to know! I can't remember the context, but I do remember someone asking me how I was in a flippant way that they definitely expected a 'good!' in response, but I replied 'raging, thanks. you?' cannot for the life of me remember what I was raging about though
I'm generally the kind of guy who does enjoy deeper conversations, but I would only go there if I was confidant the person I was talking to would want to get into something of depth that they cared about and helped me get to know them better after we had developed some rapport. I do recall one house party though where I encountered the character you're describing. He decided that he wanted to discuss philosophy and at one point asked me to explain why I was not a Nietzschean. I just told him, "This is a birthday party," and walked off.
On the other hand, I also once had a girl, when I was in college, literally come over to me at a bar, sit me down and go "You seem like a cool dude. I'm going to tell you my life story" and proceed to do so. I just sat and listened and it felt like a very special moment.
I love 'this is a birthday party' lmao. I am so fine with talking about philosophy or anything else, but, like, just talk about philosophy - don't tell me you want to talk about something deep in a way that suggests it's on me to come up with the topic, you know? (when I say 'you' I obviously don't mean 'you' I mean the hypothetical person...)
Livvie, I've been eating up your posts like popcorn!! As someone in a similar position to dating as you, it's a thrill to live vicariously through your wonderfully written posts. Maybe I will get a little braver because of you!! Thank you for another funny and thoughtful piece!!
omg I am grinning ear to ear, this is an amazing compliment, thank you!!!
This is great ! 😁 made me giggle
thank you!!
hilarious! and yes, i'm also a defender of small talk!!
don't be forcing emotional connection on me, person i just met, i dont even know you!
thank you! glad you agree 😅
love this! I recently experienced small talk that posed as deep conversation :-D like the other day I had a date and he talked about the gym the whole time but he was so darn detailed and "deep" about it, what with all the nutrition, his muscles and stuff ...it was exhausting^^ (no offence to working out but... come on^^)... guess the struggle is real^^
ugh yes, I think gym chat is riveting for gym people, but much less so for the rest of us (i'd have been as bored/exhausted with that chat as you!)
I once again admire your patience, because the answer to the alien question would most definitely receive a “I sincerely hope so” followed by a sigh from me. Your post just solidified my opinion that there are, in fact, two types of deep conversationalist: 1. people who know how to have a conversation and how to head it to a deeper topic, or 2. people who see deep conversations as that mandatory foreplay before they pull out something I don’t want to see or hear (i.e. genitalia or bigotry). Stay safe, because there are more of the latter than we think. ♥️
genitalia or bigotry!!!! so funny and unfortunately so accurate
I just found your substack and I love your voice— so clever and witty. Looking forward to reading more from you <3
oh thank you!!! 🥺
Related to this are two other things that drive me mad, conversationally. When there are more than 2 people engaged in a good conversation (maybe deep, maybe not) and a 3rd person interjects to say 'can we please talk about something else' but then offers nothing. Second, ruining a great conversation or get-together by feeling the need to say 'isnt this a great conversation?' or 'its so good to talk about this, we should do it more often!' That kills the moment, just let me understood that a great conversation is being had by all.
Actually, a third point: the weather is a massively underrated potentially fascinating topic, and I'd even argue it can get deep. One minute you're discussing how much you hate summer because of the damn humidity, the next you're waxing poetic about the trip you took to the Amazon with an ex boyfriend many years ago that led to some hot and steamy
1 - yes! totally! like sorry the conversation that didn't involve you isn't to your liking??
2 - comments like that make me suddenly feel like I'm performing, like my conversation now has to remain at the same level, I can't start just chatting shit 😅
3 - I'm from a place with very frustrating weather and it's literally unavoidable as a topic of conversation so people who 'don't want to talk about the weather' - big eye roll personally. also, again it's then on them to come up with and introduce a non-weather topic. but I also completely agree that weather can lead anywhere, generally future plans to get away to somewhere that actually sees the sun in my experience...
3 - if it's not personal, where? Northern Ireland? Inverness?
SO close!
A ha, so Glenrothes then, that's kind of in between. Anyway, no need to tell me exactly, I get the idea. I spent much of the first 30 years of my life in Northern Ireland and a fair bit of time in Scotland.
Oops, my last message got cut off. I forgot what I was going to say. Never mind.
Ahaha love this! You’re right, it’s a two way thing- you can’t just go straight to deep conversation
thank you!!! although might be an idea in future to direct anyone who wants 'deep conversation' to my substack and just be like, here you go, this is my literal diary and the contents of my brain :)